[Download] ➾ How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack By Chuck Sambuchino – Golanvideoagency.info

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack Such a gloriously, cheeky read that s perfect for a gag gift, a coffee table, but also very fun to read through in its entirety, which I did I also had the pleasure of having lunch with Chuck Sambuchino last month, which made reading the book all the entertaining, because I could hear his voice reading the book in my head I am a huge gnome lover, so the idea that they re dangerous and out to attack as all was very concerning to me, but also humorous. I m a man That means I m born with ninety gigabites of information, theory, philosophy and finger painting.pdf files about how to survive a zombie apocalypse It s in the DNA, I can t help it Ladies, try this Start a discussion about zombies with men around you and they will obey to a primordial instinct and form a circle around you to debate the best practices in dispatching the undead Therefore, reading tomes like The Zombie Survival Guide is useless to males, because we re ready Zombies are a long shot though Are there pressing threats Of course there are Chuck Sambuchino informs us about the closest, most imminent threat to mankind survival Garden Gnomes.In his 106 pages tome of his, Sambuchino awakens men s intellect to the dangers of lawn ornaments Using a simple Assess, Protect, Defend Apply strategy model, he guides us, the reader, to build a proper defense system for our home Thorough, Sambuchino covers the whole field of home protection From assessing the distant threats of neighbors gnomes to one on one combat methods My favorite part was Protect where he exposes an array of methods you can use to booby trap your yard against the twelve inch menace The small and practical survival guide is also full of visual evidence of gnome life around the household You will know what to watch for when it s your turn to repel the merry danger.I had worries when I started reading this book I thought the subject might have been a little slim and that the 106 pages format was too thin also I was scared that it would be stretched out or crammed and overloaded Sambuchino dutifully tiptoed around those issues, using method and structure How To Survive A Garden Gnome Attack covers only one aspect of gnome invasion defending your household and staying alive while doing so He never stretches out on a subject he doesn t finish The serious tone and the creative research makes it even compelling Needless to say, it leaves place for a sequel along the lines of How To Survive A Garden Gnome Apocalypse I m already having goosebump over that sight winter snow melting in May, uncovering an Armada of dormant garden gnomes all around me Chuck, we need answers Step off your Mac Book Starbucks Dwelling intellectual shoes for a seconds If you don t you will end up a dead Mac Book Starbucks Dwelling intellectual Jonathan Franzen can always wait While How To Survive A Garden Gnome Attack ain t exactly literary, it s the survival equivalent to The Elements Of Style It s a book you carry around and study Because when the gnomes attack, you rather be ready than dead taken from my blog www.deadendfollies.com Move Over Zombies And Adolescent Vampires There S A New Threat In Town And It S Only Twelve Inches Tall How To Survive A Garden Gnome Attack Is The Only Comprehensive Survival Guide That Will Help You Prevent, Prepare For, And Ward Off An Imminent Home Invasion By The Common Garden Gnome Once Thought Of As Harmless Yard Decorations, Evidence Is Mounting That These Smiling Lawn Statues Are Poised And Ready To Wreck Havoc The Danger Is Real And It S Here Class Gnome Slayer And Gnome Defense Expert Chuck Sambuchino Has Developed A Proven System Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply For Safeguarding Property, Possessions, And Loved Ones Strategies Include Step By Step Instructions For Gnome Proofing The Average Dwelling, Recognizing And Interpreting The Signs Of A Gathering Hoard, And In The Event That A Secured Perimeter Is Breached Confronting And Combating The Attackers At Close Range How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack 978 1 580 08463 5I m a big fan of the Zombie Survival Guide I must have read my copy at least three times It s incredibly funny and incredibly immersive, largely because it takes itself so seriously Literally, the Zombie Survival Guide handbook is THE last word in zombie survival guides Sure, zombies don t actually exist, but if some misguided soul whipped up a zombie virus in a lab tomorrow, everything in that survival guide would instantly be true, and inordinately useful And it s that lavish attention to detail, and utter devotion to the no nonsense spirit of survival handbooks that makes the Zombie Survival Guide so thoroughly awesome However, in the rush to cash in on the trend, How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack tripped and fell headlong into the mud The serious tone that is so crucial for this sort of guide is only halfheartedly attempted, and in most cases it s thrown to the wind entirely the section on animal protectors, for instance, is titled A Big % Dog Apart from the juvenile ha ha, profanity , it doesn t even work as a title As an addendum modifier to big , the only words that really fit are a three letter word, or a four letter word with ing appended A four letter word without ing doesn t fit there it breaks flow The author can t even get profanity right sigh The book also breaks the cardinal sin of trying to be funny with footnotes I have never, ever seen this work, outside of maybe a Dave Barry book Putting an asterisk in the text and then tossing in You may be totally screwed, as the note at the bottom of the page isn t funny it s lazy Why not just write Insert joke here When the book isn t desperately trying and failing to be funny, it spends the rest of the time trying and failing to mimic the survival guide tone it feels like the author has never read a survival guide before Gone is the carefully measured tone and the lavishly outlined instructions all the pointers and tips are flung out willy nilly in a quick, casual, conversational tone It s because of this strip mining approach to survival guide writing that How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is literally 106 pages long, with a full page picture of a garden gnome every third page Why didn t they just make this a pamphlet Then you could at least distribute them for giggles at the grocery store I didn t find this book funny, and I doubt it will amuse the guests as a coffee table book Really, all it made me do was want to dig through the Zombie Survival Handbook again for the fourth time.NOTE This review is based on a free Advance Review Copy of this book provided through Vine Ana Mardoll After interviewing Chuck Sambuchino, I had to pick up a copy of this book Let me tell you now, there is no better survival guide for pointed hat predators available Sambuchino gives us step by step instructions on dealing with these vicious pipsqueaks, and his advice will leave you well informed and clutching your sides I especially love the section on home defense and am in the process of constructing my own moat This delightful little tome has a number of laugh out loud funny moments and is a quick read The pictures really bring the guide together You should pickup a copy of How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack today, mostly because your life may depend on it Following Sambuchino s method, you ll find out how at risk you are of a gnome invasion, and best of all you ll be able to take the necessary steps to prevent the buggers from assaulting your loved ones and self Highly recommended for its wit and stunning photos 4 Stars I got an advanced reading copy of this book through the Vine program It was just too funny to pass up I mean I have read Zombie survival guides, werewolf survival guides but a guide to survive those vicious garden gnomes How cool is that.This book goes through a step by step process on how to defend yourself from garden gnomes It starts with how to assess if you are at risk and how to determine if garden gnomes have infested your property Then it goes on to inform the reader on how to protect their house against garden gnome invasion and how to defend yourself should those little ceramic bundles of terror breech your house There are even a couple short real life stories of gnome attack survivors.This book was amusing I laughed a couple times out loud and snorted a few times This would be a good joke gift or something to buy just for the plain strangeness of having it It is not much than a joke book though Luckily it is short and doesn t take itself too seriously, so it has that going for it.Some parts of the book are truly funny especially when the book goes through weapon recommendations flame thrower not recommenced There are wonderful pictures of gnomes wielding dangerous objects or gnomes sneaking into houses that are cute and humorousand just a tad creepy Other parts of the book are kind of repetitive and made my eyes roll.To be honest I was expecting a bit from this book A bit creativity and a bit humor Don t get me wrong there are some funny parts in here, but most of the recommendations are pretty simple and common sense type things The funniest part was really the concept of this book and some of the pictures in it.Overall it s pretty funny and might make a good coffee table book It is incredibly short, but that works in this book s favorI think any would have been too much If you are expecting a light and slightly amusing read you won t be disappointed, just don t expect anything too crazily clever or in depth. This is an hysterically superb little book on how to prepare yourself and your home for the onslaught of the Gnome hoards and believe me they will come Sambuchino has obviously spent many an hour planning and re planning how and when the Gnomes may attack and how best to defend against such an occurrence Filled with useful hints and tips and do and don ts this is a must have for those who wish to survive the Gnome Uprising. I received this as a Christmas present from one of my thoughtful, yet, concerned children I found it had some pretty useful information for fending off these menacing, bearded, yet deadly, buggers Yes, I made the mistake of inviting them into my yard because I was influenced by misinformation that they were quite harmless and cute How WRONG I was They proved to be very naughty little beings Through Sambuchino s book, I now know how to look for signs that they are planning to attack, maim, and or kill me and my loved ones I also have learned to to protect my property, home and devise ways to be rid of them forever or at least until they increase their numbers and come at me again I will, from now on, be forever diligent. I ve tried to read this three times now, and am finding it to be spectacularly unfunny.No star rating as I didn t finish the book, but SHEESH I m sorry I bought this. Am lie and Travelocity paint them to be cultured European world travelers, but as the adage goes don t believe everything you see on television What they actually are are whirling dervishes of death, waiting patiently for the right moment to strike You think zombies and juvenile vampires keep you up at night, you haven t seen anything yet Did you know that it was actually a wooden gnome that set ancient Rome ablaze You won t learn that in any history book, my friends Continue


About the Author: Chuck Sambuchino

Is a well-known author, some of his books are a fascination for readers like in the How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack book, this is one of the most wanted Chuck Sambuchino author readers around the world.


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